Flitting In & Out

2005-11-29T17:39:00.000-05:00

Everyone, I am so terribly sorry that I can't frequent this blog more than I do. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of disasters this year which would have been much worse if I hadn't been there.

Some disasters this year have included the hurricane-ridden states, the flu, and President Bush. I have been doing my very best to minimize the troubles that they all have caused and continue to cause. I've been more successful in some areas than in others. For instance, you haven't heard much about the flu (you're welcome) but there's little I've been able to do about Bush.

Thankfully, my territory is limited and there are other Fairy Godmothers who have their own strife in their own quadrants.

I have checked in on some of you periodically, but I am stretched thin. I am considering hiring some assistants from the pixie ranks, but they are notoriously unreliable, as you know.

In the meantime, please bear with me and I'll try to keep up! *Sending fairy kisses your way*

Your Fairy Godmother's Instructions for Life

2005-06-25T15:34:00.000-04:00

The original set of Instructions comes from the Fairy Godmother of the Delta Quadrant. Here are mine:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. Unless they're taking advantage of you.
2. Memorize your favorite poem. I recommend Xanadu by Coleridge, spoken in a very deep, serious tone of voice, loudly, in shopping malls.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say "I love you," mean it. Unless it's lust. Then just tell them you really like them a lot, but it's too early to think about getting serious.
5. When you say "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Don't get married before you turn 25. I won't bless it.
8. Believe in love at first sight. Realize that it could be lust. Know the difference.
9. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. Unless they're irresistably hillarious.
10. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
11. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
12. Don't judge people by their relatives. But remember that their relatives are usually the building blocks for their relationship with others.
13. Talk slowly and think quickly. But don't talk as slowly as Forrest Gump.
14. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" Unless you want to cut them dead. Then just say calmly, "I don't think that's any of your business."
15. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
16. Don't say 'bless you' when someone sneezes. This is based on an old wives' tale believed by superstitious primitives. Hand them a tissue, instead.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Riotous Living. OK, I'm just kidding about the last one. It's really ... Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. But don't let a little friendship interrupt a great dispute.
20. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the telephone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. Unless they look like Mel Gibson or Katherine Zeta Jones.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Of course, baseball bats work well, also.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Be open minded, but not empty-headed.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray or meditate. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. Just simply say 'thank you', and get their phone number.
36. Mind your own business, but watch out for others.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't like dogs.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction. Unless there's a really good sale at Tiffany's.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Learn the rules then break some. As long as it's legal. I don't want to visit you in the slammer. They don't like fairies.